Church bully, fighting at church, dealing with conflict at church, youth ministry conflict

Why I Love to Fight

By Doug Franklin February 23, 2017

I’m surprised by my own willingness to fight. Whenever I’m wronged, it seems that my high value for justice kicks in and my boxing gloves come out. Not only that but I tend to see the world in black and white, and, at times, I even have a natural bent towards fighting.

I know that I’m wrong, and I’m working on my emotions in this area of my life. But, out of my own personal experience, I’d like to share some insights about how to deal with people in your church who might also like to fight.

Pro-tip #1: Time and Space

Someone who likes to fight is usually like a bull in a china shop; they come in like thunder but see things in a new perspective once they calm down. Give your fighters lots of time and space to think, process, and cool down. Don’t react to their craziness but keep a cool head until things have settled down.

“Fighters tend to have tunnel vision. They see very clearly the truth they want to see and, unfortunately, little else.”

Pro-tip #2: Explain Why

Fighters tend to have tunnel vision. They see very clearly the truth they want to see and, unfortunately, little else. Once a fighter has calmed down, explain to them your reasoning behind a particular decision. When they can better understand the background information and your decision-making process, they’ll be more likely to get on board with your plan.

Pro-tip #3: Stand Up

Yes, fighters can be bullies, so be prepared to stand up against them. They may try to intimidate or force your hand, but don’t be afraid to stand your ground. When they cause division or damage critical relationships, bullies can destroy a church. If you stand up, you may be rescuing others in your congregation from getting hurt.

“When they cause division or damage critical relationships, bullies can destroy a church.”

Most churches, teams, and organizations have people like me who want to make a big deal out of every disagreement. But this kind of fighting is nothing more than a waste of time and energy. If you’re a fighter, heed God’s word, and do not sin in your anger (Eph 4:26). And if you’re in a fight that you didn’t choose, take advantage of these pro-tips. Patiently give time and space to the fighters around you, thoughtfully explain your reasoning, and be prepared to stand up for your decisions.

Doug Franklin

About the Author

Doug Franklin

Doug Franklin is the president of LeaderTreks, an innovative leadership development organization focusing on students and youth workers. Doug and his wife, Angie, live in West Chicago, Illinois. They don’t have any kids, but they have a dog that thinks he is their only child. Diesel is a 70-pound Weimaraner  who never leaves their side. Doug grew […]

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